How to Save the Universe in Ten Easy Steps Page 5

  Try not to be quite so literal, Molly tells me without once moving her lips.

  Before we enter the school gate, I turn and look back down the main street of Peregrination. Everything still looks amazingly wrong. Like, the whole town has green dirt. Green. Dirt. What’s that about? A sad attempt at Earth-like grass, is my guess.

  ‘Oh, my pleasure! Sorry I haven’t made everything pretty enough while I’ve been keeping you alive the past ten years,’ Molly huffs, reading my mind. ‘I told you everything would look weird, didn’t I? What did you expect? What you don’t get is that I’ve really struggled with this. With what I’ve been trying to achieve – making things different, but not too different. Trying to set you up for life … after. And with no one but Jack to guide me. You just … you don’t understand the consequences and—’

  ‘Okay!’ I butt in, because, seriously, it looks like Molly is about to cry, which I’ve never seen her do before. ‘Okay, I’m sorry!’

  She sniffs. ‘And then there’s having to deal with the inane needs of this human-like body – eating, breathing, pretending to sleep. And the waste products! Really …’

  I shake my head again, still shocked at being slammed with the differences between Earth, where I’m supposedly from, and this tiny, strange version of it I know as Morillius. It’s then that I look up at the sky and realise today it’s a misty green. ‘You’ve lied to me about … everything.’

  ‘Yes. I know,’ Molly sighs. ‘I know. But it’s for your benefit. Believe me.’

  Some movement down the road catches my eye and I see, a long way off, Mrs Tippler enter the main street, on her mobility scooter. ‘No,’ I immediately turn to Molly. ‘Do not show me whatever Mrs Tippler is.’ I’ve always thought she was pretty crazy. And now I know why. That is, I’m better off not knowing why.

  ‘To be honest, I don’t think you’re ready to see Mrs Tippler’s true form. It’s really not pretty.’

  This only serves to make me incredibly depressed. The reason for all this is something big. I’m guessing everyone I know, everyone I’ve known forever in this tiny town, is probably a thing. A blue thing, or a green thing or some kind of freaky thing I can’t even imagine in my worst nightmares.

  ‘If it makes you feel any better, Ethan’s human. I thought I’d better do that. Give you a best friend who was human, like you,’ Molly tells me.

  But this simply depresses me even further. ‘You gave me a best friend? Like, picked one up off the side of the road?’

  ‘Well, no. I picked one out who was the same age as you, with many of the same attributes as you, and …’ Molly peters out.

  But now I see that’s exactly what she means. My best friend isn’t even a proper best friend. He’s been kidnapped from somewhere. Earth, I guess. And planted in Peregrination for me to play with. As I think this, staring over at the pool, anger flares up inside me. ‘Nice to see you built yourself a fancy pool.’ I’d wondered once or twice why Peregrination had such a spectacular pool for such a small town. Well, now I know why.

  Molly looks exhausted. ‘Mum and Dad needed a job, didn’t they? And all the kids love swimming. It was something for everyone to do. I thought you’d like it.’

  I don’t say anything. It’s true. Everyone loves the pool. It’s just that … well … it’s only that everything feels so false. So unreal. Even my best friend.

  ‘Anyway, it’s not all about me,’ Molly continues now. ‘There were limitations on what would suit. I would have built a tennis court or two as well, but that was out of the question with your abilities.’

  ‘What abilities? What’s tennis?’ Even as the words exit my mouth, I realise I do know what tennis is now, despite the fact that just minutes before I didn’t.

  Molly pauses for a moment and looks down towards our school. ‘Come on, we can be late for once. I need to show you something. It won’t take long.’

  Molly drags me off down the road, in the opposite direction from our school. We pass the pool on our left, and then cut around the back to where there is, suddenly, a brand-new tennis court adjoining the pool facilities.

  ‘A warning,’ Molly glances at me, ‘I’ll have to take it away after this. But for now …’ she passes me a racquet and a tube of tennis balls.

  ‘Take it away? Why?’ I ask as I dump my schoolbag outside and follow her into the fenced tennis court.

  ‘You’ll see,’ is her cryptic answer. ‘You take this side.’ She points to where we’re already standing, before running around to the other side of the court, another racquet in one hand and a ball in the other. Then, suddenly, before I even know what’s happening, or expect we’re about to begin, a ball is coming straight for me.

  Fast.

  ‘Hey!’ I call out, ‘I wasn’t ready for …’ but, amazingly, I hit the ball. I don’t know how, but I do. I hit it right square in the middle of my racquet and it flies back over the net towards Molly, who hits it back to me again. Well, okay, maybe that’s not quite true. Maybe I do know how I hit the ball, because that ticking sound goes off in my head again, telling me when I need to hit the ball. Kind of like I’d known when to hit the floor at my birthday party. Before the boom. And at Ethan’s, too.

  We continue to hit the ball back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It’s like … it’s like I can’t miss it.

  Finally, Molly catches the ball and runs up to the net.

  But me, I just stand there, stunned. I’m good at a sport? I’m never good at sport. Take swimming, for instance. I mean, I can swim and everything, and it’s not like I hate it, but I’m not great at it. Or running. I’m not so hot at that either. I’m just passable. Normal. Average. Middle of the pack.

  Molly watches me thinking all of this. ‘What’s the time, Cooper?’

  ‘Eight fifty-nine and thirty-two seconds,’ I say without thinking, still in shock.

  Molly pushes the net down and jumps over the top. ‘So, I have some news for you. You’re good with time. Time is your thing. Which is why we’ve never played a lot of ball sports around here. Or any, for that matter. It’s also why you know what the exact time of day is. And it’s why you’re good at catching things.’

  My eyes widen in surprise. ‘I am good at catching things.’ I hadn’t really thought about it all that much before, but it’s a bit of a family joke – if someone yells out, ‘Catch’, well, I catch. Every single time. ‘So I do have a superpower?’ A glimmer of hope rises inside me.

  ‘I wouldn’t exactly call catching things a superpower,’ Molly says. And, as she does so, somehow, the racquet is removed from my hand and the tennis court disappears. I blink and it’s just … gone. ‘Come on. Like you said, it’s seconds away from nine o’clock. Which means we’re going to be late.’

  As Molly walks over to our bags, now sitting in the middle of nowhere, rather than leaning up against the tennis-court fence, I glance around me, still surprised at the tennis court’s disappearing act.

  ‘Come on!’ she waves me over.

  I trot after her, picking up my bag as I pass it. ‘What else am I good at?’ I ask her as we walk back in the direction of our school.

  ‘Being annoying,’ she tells me, flatly.

  ‘Really.’

  ‘Yes, really. If you could save the universe simply by being annoying, I wouldn’t have a care in the world.’

  CHAPTER 14

  From my desk, I look around the classroom slowly, wondering what my classmates really look like. I mean, Matt over there. He’s always been a bit freaky – he never stops talking and is always racing around trying to organise everyone into doing things none of us are vaguely interested in doing, like calligraphy and orienteering. I can see Matt as some kind of annoying flying creature. Not unlike a mosquito.

  Or Freya there, always silent and wide-eyed and watching. She’d be something that scuttled.

  I’ve been avoiding Ethan since sitting down (late) in my seat this morning, which has been hard, considering he sits beside me. Now, I let my eyes slide
to my left and find that he’s looking at me already.

  ‘What?’

  He shrugs his shoulders, already sensing something is up with me. I just nod and look away. I mean, I thought he was my friend. My real friend. I can’t help but notice that Molly, on the opposite side of Ethan, is looking my way too.

  At the front of the room, Mr Henderson gabbles on about something or other. I have no idea what as I haven’t been listening to a word he’s said since I entered the classroom. I stare at him blankly and wonder if he’s a purple wall-crawler, or a black creature of the night. No, probably something with gills. He’s a very sweaty guy and is always mopping his neck and forehead with a handkerchief. I think he belongs in an ocean somewhere. Or something wet (who knows what sort of stuff might be out there – it could be the land of purple goop, for all I know).

  As Mr Henderson keeps talking, I stare down at my desk feeling more than a little worried. I just don’t get this. Any of this. Surely, someone, somewhere must have got this all wrong. I can’t save the universe. Come on. Me? I don’t have a secret different form. I don’t even have a proper superpower to add to my normal form – just the ability to hit balls and catch things and tell the time without a clock. I don’t have any special armour or devices or anything like that either. All I have is the same old puny form I’ve had for the past ten years. How am I supposed to save the universe with that? I mean, no one ever said, ‘Look up in the sky, it’s Puny Man come to save the day with his super-accurate time-telling skills!’ I just don’t see how … I trail off as I realise Mr Henderson stopped talking some time ago. Slowly, I raise my eyes to the front of the classroom only to see it’s not me his attention has turned to, but to some boy I’ve never seen before, who’s standing in the door of the classroom.

  ‘Ah, yes. We’ve been expecting you!’ he says, and I do a double-take. His voice sounds like a cross between a chipmunk and someone playing with the helium balloons at a party. It’s only after I’ve got over the voice thing that I take in the meaning of his words. Wait, a new kid? How can there be a new kid? I forget Mr Henderson’s voice and my attention zips towards Molly. Which is when I see something I have never seen before. Actually, two things. For one, Molly is standing up in her seat, drawing attention to herself in a room full of seated students. And the second thing? This is the big one – Molly looks surprised. In my whole life, I can never remember my sister looking surprised before. Never. To be honest, I’m so unused to seeing this look on her face that it takes me a moment or two to work out what it means.

  ‘Class, this is Hale,’ Mr Henderson continues. ‘He’s joining us from …’ Mr Henderson pauses here. ‘Well, I’m sure I can’t remember. Perhaps Hale would like to fill us all in later on?’

  At the front of the classroom, Hale nods cheerfully. Meanwhile, Molly is still standing and, now, visibly seething (I’ve definitely seen her seethe before). Also, she has a very intense look about her – like she might possibly be having a little conversation with this Hale guy in her head.

  Ethan, sitting next to me, is instantly one hundred questions per minute. ‘He looks our age. Maybe he’s a swimmer? Where do you think he lives? In one of the houses out near yours and mine? What do you think his parents do?’

  I have no answers to any of his questions.

  ‘Hale, if you’d like to sit over there, next to Matt?’ Both Mr Henderson and Hale seem oblivious to the fact that Molly remains standing up in the middle of the classroom. Well, either that, or they just don’t care.

  Ethan and I both watch Hale walk down the length of the classroom and sit down next to Matt. Whoever he is, he seems remarkably calm about starting in at a new school. Especially a tiny, one-classroom school like ours.

  I turn back to look at Molly then, who’s looking at me, sort of … fiercely. And then I hear her voice in my head.

  Whatever you do, you stay away from him, she says. Don’t talk to him. Don’t go near him. Don’t even look at him. Just let me deal with this.

  Interesting. I think about this for a moment. Then, What is he? I ask.

  He’s only my real twin. And the most dangerous person I know, is her cryptic reply.

  CHAPTER 15

  Real twin? Real twin? I hurl questions at Molly about the new boy right up until first break, but she ignores me, instead ‘concentrating’ on maths. Which is annoying, because a) she threw that twin comment at me and b) I know she doesn’t need to concentrate at all. Not even for a millisecond.

  When we’re finally let out of the classroom, I grab my lunchbox and Ethan goes off to search for his lunchbox, which he lost last week (he loses about three per term). This gives me a chance to bail up Molly outside. ‘What on earth’s going on?’ I say, then stop, because I realise I’ve never said that before. Weird. It must be all that new information in my brain. ‘What did you mean, “real twin”? Who is this guy?’ There’s definitely something big happening and I’d like to know sooner rather than later, like with the Ecens. I don’t want any more goldfish deaths on my hands.

  But before Molly can answer, Hale himself comes strolling up to us. When I see him approaching, I immediately look to Molly to see what I should do. From what she’s said, this guy sounds dangerous. It’s okay, she tells me. For now. But let me do the talking.

  It’s when she says ‘talking’ that I remember Mr Henderson’s weird chipmunk-helium voice from before. More weirdness. But there’s no time to quiz her on this, because within seconds Hale has reached us. Or Molly, that is, because he walks straight up to her and envelops her in a hug.

  ‘Ugh! What are you doing? Get off me!’ Molly squirms from his grasp.

  Hale releases her, a large grin spread across his face.

  ‘Is it not a customary Earth greeting for families? And how lovely to be reunited, Cooper,’ he says, turning to face me now.

  ‘Reunited?’ I say, confused.

  Molly’s jaw hardens. ‘We were triplets. For less than a day.’

  I turn to Molly. ‘Something you obviously forgot to tell me about.’

  ‘There wasn’t much to tell,’ Molly hisses back, giving Hale a look, before her eyes move to mine. ‘He ditched us.’

  ‘And look how wrong I was to do so!’ Hale sweeps one arm wide, indicating Peregrination’s greatness.

  I take a look around to see if he’s viewing something I’m not. I don’t think so. ‘Yeah,’ I say, flatly. ‘Molly’s thinking of installing a Disneyland in our backyard to liven things up a bit.’

  Both Molly and Hale stare at me. ‘Joking,’ I say.

  Hale grins. ‘Of course!’ He has this weird, direct, unblinking gaze that’s kind of off-putting. It’s funny how they’re obviously such superior beings, but they can’t quite pull off human.

  ‘You’re right,’ Hale tells me, making me start. ‘It’s the little things that are the hardest to remember.’

  ‘What’s right? What’s hard to remember?’ Molly’s eyes dart from Hale to me and back again.

  Which is when I realise that Molly didn’t hear my thought – about Hale and the not blinking. Hale heard it but she didn’t.

  That’s it exactly. You’re smarter than she gives you credit for, Cooper.

  ‘What did you say?’ Molly blurts out at Hale. When there’s no answer, she turns to me. ‘What did he just say?’

  I just stare at her, Hale’s words hitting home. I am smarter than she gives me credit for. Hey, Einstein wouldn’t be smart enough for Molly. It takes me a second or two to work out what an Einstein is, since my brain only received that information a couple of hours ago, but somehow it knew it was the right word to use in this situation … just like the Earth thing I’d said before. Bizarre. I wonder if I’ll ever get over all these new words that keep popping out of my mouth.

  Hale taps me on the arm to get my attention. You were asking about your teacher’s voice? From before? I think Molly was simply playing a little joke. To amuse herself, you know.

  ‘A joke?’ I accidentally say out loud. />
  ‘A joke?’ Molly repeats. ‘What joke? I want to know what’s going on here!’

  Suddenly, I see just what has been going on. It was Molly who made Mr Henderson speak like that, but only she could hear it. Until, that is, Hale walked into the classroom and distracted her and then everyone was let in on her little joke.

  ‘Right again,’ Hale nods.

  ‘Right?’ Molly says. ‘Right about what?’

  I ignore her and my jaw hardens as I wonder if we were all speaking in chipmunk voices, or whether it was just Mr Henderson. And if there’re chipmunk voices, surely there have been other things, too, like changing our appearances. Maybe we even looked like chipmunks to her. All of us. Maybe Mondays are always chipmunk days? And maybe chipmunks aren’t even the worst of it. I can only guess at what Molly turns us into when she’s really bored.

  Molly’s face is almost bright red now. ‘What. Is. Going. On?’ she hisses, glaring at both of us. ‘And what are you doing here?’ her attention moves entirely to Hale. ‘I want some answers from you. Now.’

  ‘Funny,’ I cross my arms, bringing her gaze back to focus on me. ‘That’s exactly what I’ve been saying to you for the past couple of days.’ I eye my sister off.

  You know something? I don’t think she’s done chipmunks before, but last Friday you were all teddy bears. Hale laughs, silently.

  Teddy bears?

  Quite large and quite furry. Also quite a nice honey colour.

  ‘Is that right?’ I glance over at Molly, frowning.

  Molly sucks her breath in. ‘Stop it. Stop it right now! Right now! Both of you!’

  I simply shrug. ‘I don’t know if I want to. But I would like to know something. Is that true? Last Friday I was a teddy bear? A teddy bear with a nice honey-coloured coat?’