How to Save the Universe in Ten Easy Steps Read online

  He has my full attention now.

  ‘Yeah, sort of. It was like this weird black wall of stuff chasing me, but it was made up of slugs. I tried to run away, but it sucked me in. Seriously, I thought I was going to die. But then I got spat out on the other side. Weird, huh?’

  I stare down at my own sandwich. ‘Um, yeah.’ What I really want to say is ‘phew’. I guess we must have got lucky in that they couldn’t sense he’d been around me that day.

  ‘But it was one of those really real dreams, you know? That you remember afterwards and think about for days.’

  ‘I so know what you mean.’

  Beside me, Ethan shakes his head. ‘I think I need to get some more sleep or take some vitamins or something. Weird stuff has been happening to me lately.’

  I glance over at him, curious. ‘Like?’

  ‘Well, the other day, I was walking past the pool and I swore I saw this fluffy white bunny hopping along the edge. So I go in there to take a look and it really is a fluffy white rabbit. And there’s a bunch of really cute yellow ducklings in the pool as well.’

  More Ecens. ‘So, what happened?’

  ‘I was getting closer to the bunny when it turned around and looked at me and, seriously, I am not joking, it had these gigantic blue eyes. Like, human eyes. Way too big for a bunny. It really freaked me out. I just turned around and bolted.’

  ‘Wow, that sounds pretty strange,’ I say, thinking, ‘Welcome to my life.’ For a moment, I wonder if the Ecens had been checking out the pool because they sensed I’d been there. Did Molly and Hale know about it?

  Ethan brings his sandwich right up to his face now and looks at it, kind of worried. ‘Maybe it’s the cheese. Mum bought this cheese that was right on the expiry date. Maybe it’s making me hallucinate or something. I swear I was awake that time – with the bunny – and, hey! Check it out!’ Ethan points across the playground.

  You’d hardly be able to miss what he’s pointing at. Suddenly and unexpectedly, a sweet stand has popped up in a corner of the schoolyard. Pink and white striped, it offers shelf upon shelf of glass jars full of delicious-looking treats. Yellow bonbons, orange sherbet straws, red and white striped humbugs, mint green peppermints, and more besides, there is only one thing wrong – it stands about fifty shelves high, the top levels looming eerily.

  It can only be Ecens.

  Before I can stop him, Ethan is up and running. I leap up, my sandwich falling to the ground below and yell after him. ‘Ethan!’ I race after him, not thinking what I’m doing, just knowing I can’t let him go over there. Especially not after he’s been sitting so close to me. Surely the Ecens will know? A picture of Jack pops into my head. Jack in the sphere. Jack in the sphere with that super-sharp needle thing slowly approaching. Easily the most scary thing I had ever seen in my entire life.

  The weird thing is, you’d expect kids to flock to a gigantic sweet stand. You’d expect cries of ‘Awesome!’ and ‘Fantastic!’ and ‘Woo hoo!’. Maybe even a teacher running out to see what’s going on. But there’s none of that. Mr Henderson peers out of the classroom window, his eyes flicking from the sweet stand to Molly and Hale. And pretty much all of the ‘kids’ stand back. Warily. Like they know the sugar mountain isn’t real. Which, of course, it isn’t.

  All the kids except for Ethan, that is, probably the only other human at the entire school.

  I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast in my entire life. I don’t think I could run any faster even if I was being chased by a lion.

  I have to save Ethan. I have to.

  Ethan’s over halfway there when I almost catch up with him.

  Almost.

  Because something stops me in my tracks. Two somethings in fact – Molly and Hale.

  ‘Stay here,’ Hale tells me, grabbing me by the arm.

  ‘But what about Ethan?!’

  ‘He’ll be fine,’ Hale says, not looking altogether confident.

  I pull my arm away. ‘You still don’t get it, do you?’ I say, my heart beating like crazy inside my chest. ‘Molly’s right about you. You don’t understand. You don’t get that I have to do something. He’s my friend and I have to help him. That’s what humans do.’

  Before I can think too much about it and a) chicken out or b) let Hale and Molly read my mind and guess what I’m up to, I set off after Ethan.

  And the sweet stand.

  And, yes, I know I’m crazy, but I can’t just hand over my best friend to the Ecens, can I? ‘Ethan!’ I yell as I go. ‘Stop! Stop! STOP!’

  I realise Molly is running with me. Right by my side. She could have stopped me some other way, but there she is, right by my side. ‘Stop!’ she yells. ‘Ethan, stop!’ There’s something else, too, that appears as we run – an arc of blue light. Mr Henderson, I realise. Mr Henderson is here too. Watching over me. They’ve all been watching over me all this time. Everyone here. All of them.

  Maybe Ethan hears the urgency in Molly’s voice, because he turns, just metres away from the towering sweet stand. He has this, ‘Hello! Kind of busy!’ expression on his face. He waits the few seconds it takes for me to step away from Molly and reach him.

  ‘You … can’t … go … over … there …’ I puff at him, already dragging him back to safety. The arc of blue light follows, above us, for a moment or two until we’re a safe distance away, before disappearing.

  ‘Do you guys need glasses or something?’ Ethan gives us both a look. ‘Check it out! It looks awesome!’ He begins to pull away from me, but I hold on to his arm. Tight. And I keep dragging him back.

  ‘Didn’t your mother ever warn you about strangers and boiled lollies?’ Molly says.

  Ethan frowns slightly at this. ‘Um, no. She told me to wear clean underwear in case I got run over by a car, though. I always wondered about that. I mean, do they really check? And if so, how? A sniff test? Because that would be disgusting …’

  Only Ethan could pause to ponder such a thing in a life and death situation like this. Still, having to use his brain at full capacity seems to re-route a lot of the energy he’s using in trying to get back to the sweet stand. As he considers his mother’s words, I’m able to pull him further back. Right back to where Hale is standing. When we get there, he still looks slightly baffled.

  ‘Mr Henderson wants to see you. Inside,’ Molly tells him and when we all turn to look at the window, there he is again, inside. I raise my hand in a small wave and he waves back.

  ‘Oh, right. Okay.’ Ethan still looks baffled, though he seems to have forgotten about the sweet stand, which has now disappeared. No doubt thanks to either Molly or Hale.

  I watch him go, then sort of collapse onto a nearby bench, realising what’s just happened. I was so close. So close to that sweet stand. Only a few more steps and I could have touched it.

  ‘They could have taken you,’ Hale tells me. ‘Straight to the Terlaedians. You must know that.’

  ‘I do know that. I did know it.’

  ‘And you went anyway?’ Hale stares at me in disbelief.

  ‘It’s not like I had much choice. It’s not like you were going to do anything.’

  ‘Ethan is not my concern,’ Hale says evenly.

  ‘He’s not my concern either,’ I tell him, ‘he’s my friend.’

  Hale frowns slightly, as if he’s trying to figure this out.

  I look up at Molly. ‘Thanks for, um, coming with me.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ she offers me a hand up, which I take. ‘Think of it this way. Yesterday, you saved Jack. Today, Ethan. Tomorrow … the universe maybe?’

  ‘Yeah …’ I let out a weird half chuckle, half bark. The least confident noise I’ve ever heard in my entire life. ‘Yeah, maybe …’

  And, in the silence that follows, the ticking noise starts in my head once more – louder than ever before.

  CHAPTER 25

  The next few hours roll by quietly, except for the crazy ticking noise in my head. It doesn’t get faster. It doesn’t get slower.

&n
bsp; It does, however, get more and more annoying as it reverberates inside my skull.

  I don’t tell Molly about it for a while, because I think it will just go away. When it doesn’t, I finally confess after dinner, baling her up in the hallway when Mum and Dad are still in the kitchen.

  ‘I think there might be some kind of … countdown going on in my head.’

  ‘What?’ Molly frowns.

  ‘There’s a ticking. In my head. You can’t hear it?’

  Molly looks surprised now. ‘No! How fast is it?’

  ‘Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick …’ I say, ticking slowly in time with the sound in my head.

  Molly’s eyes widen.

  ‘What does it mean?’ I take a step forward, closer to her.

  ‘That the end of the universe is coming?’ she tells me.

  ‘Gee, thanks,’ I huff. ‘So, what do we do?’

  ‘Nothing. We wait.’

  So, we wait.

  I get as much sleep as I can and, next morning, Molly and I go for a swim as if everything is normal, then head to school, where everyone sits in class and is way too well behaved. The whole day has the feeling that you get before a storm. When everything is calm and silent, but you know something’s coming.

  Something big.

  Tick, tick, tick.

  If Hale knows about the ticking, he doesn’t say anything.

  After school, Ethan and I ride our bikes for a bit. We don’t see any Ecens. We don’t see any Rewlut slugs. After a while, I’m kind of wishing something would pop up out of nowhere. Just to stop that feeling of waiting that’s hanging over me.

  We head back home after an hour or so, riding by Ethan’s first, as per usual, then I continue on the rest of the way back to my house by myself. When I get there, I see Hale walking up the road towards me from the opposite direction. Molly is waiting for both of us on the front verandah. And I don’t know if this is it, but by the looks on both their faces, there’s definitely something going down.

  ‘Perhaps it might be best if we stick together from now on.’ He looks way too solemn for my liking.

  ‘We’re going out for a family dinner,’ Molly answers, obviously trying to fob him off.

  ‘We are?’ I turn to her, surprised. This is the first I’ve heard of it. Molly hates going out for dinner.

  ‘What’s the occasion?’ Hale asks.

  ‘The end of the universe,’ I say. ‘Haven’t you heard?’

  I’m kind of getting nervous now.

  ‘Oh, look who it is!’ a voice chimes in from the hallway. Mum appears at the front door. ‘Hale! It’s lovely to see you again.’

  Hale opens his mouth to reply, but Molly cuts in. ‘I was just telling Hale we’ll have to go and get ready soon. Because we’re going out for dinner.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ Mum waves a hand. ‘Hale doesn’t need to run off. He can come with us, if it’s all right with his parents.’

  Molly doesn’t look at all impressed with this suggestion. ‘Surely your parents are expecting you home for dinner?’ Molly puts an odd emphasis on the word ‘parents’. Like there really are quotation marks around it.

  Hale ignores her. ‘Oh, thanks! That would be great!’ He attempts to sound peppy. ‘I’m sure they won’t mind if I call them first.’

  ‘Lovely,’ Mum grins. ‘A bit of company is just what we need.’

  ‘I’m expecting a lot of it very soon …’ Molly mutters, under her breath.

  The five of us walk into town, Mum, sadly, thrilled that a) Molly has agreed to go out to dinner and b) we’re taking another victim with us to the restaurant, and with Mr Gregory cooking, the word is most definitely ‘victim’, not ‘customer’.

  As we walk, Molly sticks with Mum and Dad. After more than a few death stares from Molly, Hale drops back beside me.

  We walk in silence for a while, until he turns to me with a slight frown on his face. ‘I must ask you something,’ he says.

  ‘As long as you don’t expect me to know the answer, I can roll with that,’ I tell him.

  Hale ignores me. ‘Jack. And the sphere. How did you know the exact moment? Why did you say “now” when you did? You were quite insistent that it was the right time for us to step in and steal Jack away.’

  I think about his question for a moment or two. Then I shrug. ‘I don’t know. It’s not like I was even waiting to say that. I just felt it all of a sudden. It was like everything in me just knew.’

  Hale nods. ‘I see. So it was involuntary. Not a guess, or something like that?’

  I shake my head. ‘No. Like I said, I just … like, really knew.’

  Again, Hale nods.

  ‘Why?’ I ask him, curious. ‘Is this about your “theory”?’ Thinking back, it was sort of strange. It was like I couldn’t help but blurt out the word ‘now’. Like I had no choice. Like the ticking in my head, which had got faster and faster, made me do it.

  ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter,’ Hale tells me. ‘Just thinking. Anyway,’ he changes the subject, ‘I hear Mr Gregory’s food is interesting.’

  ‘Interesting is the word. Personally, I’d go with the sweet and sour pork. Sure, it’s deep-fried to the point where it’s rock hard and unidentifiable, and you might lose several teeth if you attempt to chew it, but at least you know it’s cooked.’

  ‘That sounds … appealing,’ Hale replies.

  ‘Yeah, well, it’s not.’

  ‘You do know his species is renowned for cooking skills?’

  ‘Really?’ To be honest, I don’t believe him.

  ‘Yes. They’re known for their excellent food. I suppose this is all part of Molly’s “human experience” that she wanted to give you.’

  I think about this. ‘Either that or she enjoys torturing me,’ I say, continuing to trudge towards the restaurant.

  Seriously, I can’t believe this could be my last meal.

  ‘There’s been a change in the menu tonight!’ Mr Gregory comes to our table not with his usual terrible offerings (sweet and sour pork, fish and chips, sushi, pizza, spaghetti bolognaise, and ice – cream and topping for dessert), but with a grin plastered across his face.

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him grin before.

  He loses that grin, however, when he spots Hale and his eyes flick over to Molly and me. ‘And a new guest with us tonight. How … wonderful!’ He begins to look a little worried – something is obviously up.

  ‘You know something?’ Molly looks up at Mr Gregory. ‘I don’t think we even need a menu this evening. Why don’t you surprise us?’ It’s only me who sees it, because I’m sitting on her left side, but she winks at him. ‘Your choice.’

  ‘Oh!’ he says, looking thrilled. ‘That would be lovely!’ He rubs his hands together. ‘I’ll be off, then,’ and with that, he hurries away into the kitchen before Mum can pester him about sushi.

  ‘Should I be worried?’ I say to Molly, quietly, so Mum and Dad can’t hear.

  ‘Only if you’re worried about eating the best food you’ve ever tasted. I’ll have to do some mind-tweaking, so everyone thinks it’s normal, but maybe just this once it’ll be okay. It’s a special occasion after all. I’ll take some leftovers home for Jack.’

  It doesn’t take long for Mr Gregory to bring out the first course. It seems to be some sort of small, round, pale-pink object held in place on the plate by a tiny silver stand. Sort of like an egg-cup, I guess.

  ‘Great! Hernenflers. My favourite!’ Dad says.

  I look over the table at him. ‘What?’

  ‘Hernenflers! You know I love them,’ he says, fork at the ready, even before Mr Gregory has placed his plate in front of him. ‘Always have and always will.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, of course. Hernenflers.’ I glance at Molly, who smiles a small ‘just go with it’ smile back at me.

  ‘I could eat hernenflers for every meal,’ Hale agrees, digging in now.

  Me, I’m not so sure. I eye the hernenfler on my plate suspiciously, then glance back at Hale to see how y
ou attack one of these things. It seems you puncture the top of the thing, wait until it kind of deflates a little, letting out some sort of pinkish gas, and then you eat the insides.

  ‘Go on,’ Molly nudges me with her arm. ‘You’ll love it. Just try it.’

  ‘Well, okay then,’ I say, still unconvinced. I pick up my spoon and stick it through the top of the hernenfler thing and sit back as the gas comes out (who knows, it could be noxious …). Inside seems to be some sort of tiny black egg-like things, in a clear goop.

  Um, yummy.

  ‘Is it a fruit?’ I ask Molly. ‘It’s not alive, is it?’

  ‘Just try it!’ she urges me on.

  With a shrug, I stick my spoon in and scoop out some of the … things. I try not to look at what’s on my spoon as I lift it to my mouth. Then it hits my tongue. ‘Oh,’ I say, my eyes widening as I swallow. ‘Oh, wow. That’s great. What is that?’

  ‘Hernenfler!’ Molly grins. ‘Pretty good, huh?’

  I don’t answer her. I’m too busy scoffing down the rest of my hernenfler.

  ‘I’m so stuffed …’ I sit back in my chair and groan. Mr Gregory has gone all out with five courses. After the hernenfler, there was a sort of grey noodle thing with yellow gloop on top, then a square blue jelly with purple blobs in it, then a clear tube of I-don’t-know-what that you had to suck black stuff out of and, finally, what looked like a pink worm, but was actually layers of some sort of meat (maybe?) with a vivid pink filling inside. To finish the meal, Mr Gregory places a spiky cream-coloured cone object on the table and everyone breaks some off.

  I reach over and break some off, too. I don’t even ask anymore. It’s all so good that it doesn’t matter what it is. I’m halfway through it when – it happens. I stand up in my seat so suddenly my chair tips over backwards.

  Everyone stares at me.

  ‘You okay, Cooper?’ Dad asks.

  ‘Oh,’ I say, with a start, realising I’m standing up. ‘It’s just … you know … I bit my tongue.’ I sit back down again.

  The truth is, though, my tongue’s fine. My head? Not so great.

  I look over at Molly and Hale. So. That grudge match. It’s still going, right?